i was so close

It is a well known fact among my peers and family that I have never given a talk at church during my entire BYU-Idaho experience. This is well known because I advertise it whenever topics of church callings and are discussed. See, it is a very rare desire that I have. I do now know how to explain it, but, I wish that I could just give ONE talk in church here at school before I graduate. Most people commend me for this current feet of going here for 5 years and dodging the inevitable task. Most people would ask me how it is done. And the truth is, I don't know. I mean, who actually WANTS to speak in church? I know, weird.

If you knew me before my mission it would be completely different. I remember being 13 and being asked by Brother Wallace a week ahead if I would give a talk. I FREAKED!!! Couldn't tell you anything I said except for the obvious reaction of my face turning bright red (I later learned to cover this reaction by getting a really bad sunburn the Saturday before you give a talk or lesson to avoid any blush...works like a charm). Then when my brother Scott left on his mission he asked me to speak at his farewell...yuck (plus Jamie pretty much wrote the whole thing for me and I couldn't even tell you today anything I said...thanks Jamie). And I remember my sis-in-law Anita afterwards exclaiming, "And you didn't even turn red!!!!" Whew!!

Then there were the annual Seminary Sacrament Meetings where you have four minutes to explain your gratitude for Seminary and prayer and The Savior and one thing you learned that year. Those were pieces of cake, and by then I was getting used to the public eye...at least at church.

Then in college I was discovered. But not for speaking, but for another prized gift: piano. And ever since then, my life has never been the same. Of course, on my mission I learned to love speaking in public and giving talks and lessons at church. Loved it. But ever since then, since playing the piano is a forte of mine, I have been used and abused. But I think I've figured out why: Ever since I've been back I've had a music calling at church. I've been the Ward piano player, choir piano, Priesthood piano...even Relief Society! (just kidding...well, I was a few times on the mission but that's another story...). So, Bishopric members and quorum leaders see that my name is already on the program or schedule and so they think, "Oh, he already is doing too much," or, "He's already doing something." Not that I'm complaining at all, but I would just like to give a talk once a year or something. (Even Salinas takes advantage of me as I have spoken there TWICE since returning home from my mission: TWICE!). I have even asked Bishopric members here if I could talk and they say "of course" and nothing happens. I mean, really? But I guess they don't want the willing.

So today, May 17 2009, I was flabbergasted when the First Counselor in the Bishopric, Brother Drudge, approached me before Elder's Quorum and asked if I could give a talk in two weeks (May 31) at church! I responded "Yes" and inside whispered to myself: "FINALLY! The streak is ruined!" I could hear the angels above singing harmonically through the windy Rexburg air. He didn't give me a topic yet but I was feeling good. I know: weird (My mom is probably going, "This is not my child!" right now...) Anyway, we went through the opening announcements of Elder's quorum and then they excused the Bishopric for their business. But, I could tell Brother Drudge was walking a little out of his way to leave the room, then walked down my aisle and made eye contact with me. He stopped at my chair and leaned over and whispered, "Craig. I forgot I already had someone to speak that Sunday so you no longer have to. Sorry," and then left. Most people would be full of joy at such a comment; full of relief and gratitude. I was stuttered. I was stupefied. I was upset. I had my fingers on the treasure and then gravity pulled it away from me. I was ahead of Michael Phelps the entire race and then lost by one hundredth of a second! I was so close.

And so I'm left with hope. Hope that one day! Somehow! I may give a talk in church during my college career. I still don't know what it is that I love about it, but it just gives me a high you can't get anywhere else. Maybe it will be in a month, or maybe I have four Sacrament Meeting musical numbers to conquer again before I get the chance. But it will happen even if I have to stampede the pulpit next April the week before I graduate! Until then, Amen.